


i can save you (but no one can save me)

by huhyouexist



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/F, Implied future azula/ty lee, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, dont read this if suicide triggers you, im serious, introspective, no beta we die like bisexuals, this is the worst thing ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huhyouexist/pseuds/huhyouexist
Summary: Azula has been planning something, but when the time comes, the universe seems to throw and obstacle in her way.And keeps throwing.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	i can save you (but no one can save me)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: IF SUICIDE IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU, DO. NOT. READ. THIS.
> 
> IM SERIOUS.
> 
> READ THE TAGS.
> 
> you've been warned.

It was simple.

Azula wanted to die.

No one cared enough about her anyway, and who would?

Whatever.

Let’s just get this over with.

Or, that’s what she thought, because as she turned the corner, holding the frame to the balcony door so that could leave a leg to take off her shoe, Azula stopped.

There, sitting on the balcony ledge, overlooking the steep cliff this house edged on, was a girl, one which Azula recognized. Her chestnut hair braided as it has always been, but her posture sadder, and less excited as usual.

Ty Lee was the name, and she had been a friend of Azula’s. A best friend if she were to go so far.

So what does she do when she sees this friend sitting on the very ledge she intended to jump off of?

She screams.

_“Don’t do it, please!”_

Ty Lee’s teary eyes meet hers, and Azula can only then register what she had just done.

Wait, why does she care?

Azula couldn’t care less.

And yet here she was, talking down a girl from the action she herself wanted to take. A frown edges the corners of her mouth.

Missed opportunity, Azula thinks.

Ty Lee apologizes with a sad smile, and Azula walks over to rest her elbows on the fencing. She listens to Ty Lee’s sob story, sharing her woes of a lover once cared for, but now nothing but a distant dream. How she had though he was the one, only to see him run off with another girl instead.

Azula tries to ignore the jealousy that worms into her heart.

It means nothing.

_“Sorry, you’ve probably heard this before.”_

Ty Lee’s voice was gentle, edging with gloom that only served to fuel Azula’s anger.

_“Are you fucking kidding me?!”_

Grey eyes stare at her in shock, glittering with unresolved hope, beckoning Azula to continue.

_“For Agni’s sake, if you think he’s worth all of this you’re a fucking idiot!”_ Azula laughs unapologetically. _“Are you upset? Is that what this is? Just be glad you’ve never been cast aside, robbed of it!”_

Her mind flashes back to memories of a life once lived. With a brother who, once upon a time, might have cared, and a Mother who’s eyes never reached hers. Only his.

She finds no remorse in Ty Lee’s story. In fact, she finds it stupid. And pitiful. And yet…

Ty Lee smiles the way she once did, as if she were the sun itself, and hops down from the fence. 

_“Thanks for listening, Zula. I feel a lot better.”_ She chirps, and skips back into the house.

Azula watches her go, leaning on the fencing with a hardened frown.

She...She felt relieved about this, but she couldn’t explain why.

Next time, she decides.

-

Only, next time there was someone new.

A small, petite girl who’s chin rested on the fence, tears brimming her eyes but being forced to stay there instead of being allowed passage to the ground. The evening sun was setting, and Azula could feel the rays of sunlight burning a whole in her heart and replacing it with molten anger.

She screams again, still not entirely sure why.

Once she’s done it though, there’s no going back.

She listens to her too, and only gets angrier when she hears this small girl talk of how she feels alone, and unloved. How she is ignored, and never noticed due to her blindness. How her parents think her weak when she only wants to feel strong.

How could she be alone and unloved? Azula had seen her back in the party with her friends. 

She’s loved by more than Azula is.

_“For Agni’s sake, please shut up! At least you have friends who love you! They’ll always be there for you, so stop whining!”_

Memories of friends once had fill her vision. Friends she could have been closer with, but she was too messed up to even try. A monster scares friends away, just as she had.

_“I think...I’m gonna go see my friends now…”_

Azula watches her go, and turns back to the last light of the sun slipping under the horizon, painting the sky in darkness, with only the glittering moon to serve as a light. Azula can feel that darkness swallowing her, feeding the ominous monster within her as she heads back inside.

Next time, she promises.

-

Next time, comes, and next time goes.

Every day a new person waits for her unknowingly. Another person Azula has to listen to blabber about their troubles, and only infuriates her more.

How could any of these imbeciles think they have it worse than her? 

Azula is a monster. Unloved by everyone. Passed on as just another cog in the system.

She had no friends who could truly care about her, or family that really loved her. No siblings who she could lean on for support. She was unremarkable, like the tales she heard every night. 

She tried to be perfect from him, and yet nothing was ever good enough.

She was never good enough.

So she talks them down with harsh words and spilled insults, forcing their minds away from their sadness and into guilt. Because really? You think you have to do this? You think your life is so bad that you get to beat Azula to it?

Azula deserved to die.

She wanted to die.

And they weren’t letting her with their unremarkable issues.

She would save them out of spite, and when they were all gone? Then she would do it.

For now though, she’d wait another day, and see what tragedy was presented at her feet next.

-

After a month, Azula reaches the final person. Only this time, they do not stand on the balcony. No, they stand in her room, looming there like a ghost as Azula cuts the bangs of her hair in a fit of rage.

All this time, she had been helping people, but why? She didn’t care about them, so what made her do it?

It’s not like they were worth it anyway.

It’s not like she’d be around to see them happy, so what did she care?

Nothing, that’s what.

But this person, one who looks like her Mother, stares back at her. She hasn’t aged a day from when she had left Azula alone, and it only aggravated Azula more.

Why was she here now?

She never cared about Azula, so why was she still here?

_“I just want to make the scars go away.”_

Those words resonate in Azula, and she looks at her Mother to find a similar look reflected in her own.

_“I am sorry, for everything.”_

Tears brim in her eyes.

_“I love you, Azula.”_

Azula wishes they were true, and in a moment of pure weakness, Azula pleads to her Mother.

_“Don’t go...Please…”_

For a moment, she feels as if she can feel her Mother’s arms wrap around her comfortingly.

But she does, and Azula is alone.

She cannot be saved, because no one wants to save her.

She does not matter.

She is worthless to everyone.

-

When Azula steps out onto the balcony, there is no one there. 

Finally.

It was time.

Taking off her shoes, her bare feet trek across the wooden platform monotonously. There’s a faint creakiness, but Azula ignores it.

Her eyes already spill death, dull and void of any emotion as she stares at the familiar view. She has stared at it so often that she has memorized its layout in front of her. From the trees of the forest off to the side, to the hard rocky ground that awaits her already numb body.

The moon shines down on her, as if hoping to illuminate a path for her to take. To Azula, that light only shines on way.

Down.

Down over this railing, which she was now hanging off of by her hands, heels dug comfortably on the edge of the wooden structure. She feels little chips that have broken away with time prick at her feet, but she doesn’t care.

Her already messy excuse for a topknot falls away, leaving her hair exposed for the stars to shine upon. She stares at the moon, and takes a deep breath.

Finally.

Her hand’s loosen, and her grip fails.

She falls.

Until she stops, dangling in the air as she stares at the ground, confused as to why it is not coming closer.

There’s a grip on her hand, and Azula is pulled back towards the balcony.

Someone grunts, and Azula looks up.

Her breath catches, because she didn’t expect this.

She expected to _die_ tonight.

She _wants_ to die tonight.

So why wouldn’t Zuko let her?

And why was she so relieved?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was heavily inspired by the song My R. By Rachie. ill leave a link to a wonderfully animated video that someone on youtube did at the end of this note :)
> 
> so i didn't really have a plot or plan for this fic. i heard this song and watched the animatic and knew i had to write something for it. it fit azulas character so well, and while the setting is a little weird, i tried to incorporate themes of the actual show into this.
> 
> this probably sucks lol ik, but i did it in 45 minutes running on nothing but pure ambition while my body threatens to collapse, so try to go easy on the reviews.
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed whatever this was, and im sorry 
> 
> Link to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsQj8Kb88v8  
> (alternatively: just look up 'Azula's R' on youtube and it will pop up)


End file.
